So, 365 days ago, I woke up with much anxiety â€“ yes, it is a year since the announcement of the postal survey.
I am happy for those who now have had their marriages that they could not previously have. I am happy for those who have had previously unrecognised marriages recognised. I remember when I received my passport that had an â€œFâ€ 3 years ago and how that outside validation affirmed my inner validation of my being part of our communities. Now couples other than male or female are equally externally validated and their love is recognised - a very good thing.
All the same, I cannot celebrate this day. I am still reminded of the pain of my direct communities of identity, trans and bi, being sold out. I am reminded of those beyond my identity (multicultural, people of faith, people of colour, intersex for starters) who when I listen to them, say they have felt the same.
Note that word: listen.
We have an increasing crisis of how we do leadership in our communities where so many so-called leaders wonâ€™t listen in so many ways.
None of the so-called leaders who threw so many other people under the bus have changed their approach in the last 12 months. The power-players, careerists, pragmatists are still going about things the same way. Pragmatism always trashes the most vulnerable. (For pragmatism read lazy, brain-dead and gutless). Real leaders in social justice settings aim to level the playing field rather than keep the mountain steep and treacherous for the most marginalised to climb. They donâ€™t think they have to listen to those marginalised voices when they are the ones crying out most loudly.
Re this one, I again acknowledge Rodney Croome as the only person with the integrity, self-honesty, authenticity and humility to admit the throwing people under the bus was wrong. As stated previously, Iâ€™ve had my differences with Rodney over the years; I also state strongly he has one thing that the sell-outs donâ€™t have. I see the ability to connect to his heart and work in conjunction with his mind. I say the self-rationalising manipulative minds need to learn about listening to their hearts and we might start to get somewhere.
I still experience the same hypocrisy of lateral hostility, for example when non-bi types think they can dictate what goes into the bi section in an election wishlist and I have to fight like hell to get bi even mentioned at all. That they think they donâ€™t have to listen to bi people when they are not bi or bi-specialist organisations is the depth of hypocrisy, yet some of these people really believe they are allies. Some write up bi policy papers and donâ€™t even consult bi people â€“ and get it very wrong. Seriouslyâ€¦
Before people say â€œbi and trans need to break awayâ€ - I say no. How come? Most of these so-called leaders are not listening to the grass roots of their own communities. I overwhelmingly meet cis gays and lesbians who want truly diverse and intersectional representation and quality leadership. I often think if the LGBTI leadership was one properly resourced organisation with clear values and a funded human resources department, most so-called leaders wouldnâ€™t last 12 months before they had received 3 warnings on bullying and discrimination and then heard the words of Mr McMahonâ€¦ â€œYouâ€™re fired!â€ While we need to work together, the problem with phrases like that is that they donâ€™t talk about HOW we work together. So, letâ€™s say: we work together with processes based on respect, equality, professionalism and always aiming for win-win solutions.
We have celebrity activists who think because they repeatedly post on social media that makes them leaders â€“ no. To them I say learn to listen to your consciences, get some substance underneath yourselves, do some personal and professional development or get a job in marketing. Publicity for the sake of publicity is not leadership no matter what 21st century culture makes us believe.
I know many of those who fall short have had people talk to them in an effort to â€œcall in.â€ I can sense strongly we are at a breaking point where we might start need to â€œcall out.â€ Our communities will not achieve full equality while we continue to ignore elephants in the room â€“ elephants that are crapping big time out one end and trumpeting loudly out the other. We cannot build on cracked foundations any longer and paper over cracks in the walls. Itâ€™s time for a re-blocking.
I look forward to people putting on their rainbow overalls and doing the reblocking with me.